For those of you who have not had the pleasure of meeting me, I am Brian Kleinsmith, Secret Agent. My accomplishments are many including the invention of Viagra. I tend not to boast so I will keep the list short.

On my website you will learn intimate details about my family, my past and my bright future. Sit back....shut up....and prepare to be impressed!

I grew up as a gypsy traveling throughout Africa. I was raised for two years by monkeys, hence my constant cravings for bananas. I learned six languages including baboon. Having learned to live on such foods as giraffe balls and Wildebeest intestine, I have an incredible ability to survive. Upon my return to the U.S., I applied to Harvard and was accepted as a test dummy for the science department. My family was thrilled that I was going to Harvard! It was there that I met my future bride. Kim, feeling sorry for me that my skin had actually turned green from the experiments, offered to help me with my therapy and we eventually fell in love. Who could resist a 95lb green skinned stud such as myself. After my 8 year stint at Harvard, I enlisted in a program to work at the CIA. No doubt my background impressed them and I was eventually hired to be an undercover Muslim operating in Bangladesh. Kim was not real happy but she learned not to shower and grow a lot of body hair to blend in with the locals. What a gal, my Kim, she even grew a mustache. After two years I had a tragic accident that forced me to return to the states. I smashed my face on the ground praying to Mecca and required brain surgery. Being the survivor that I am, I recovered but now I have somehow become lactose intolerant. Kim thinks its so funny to put cheese in my food and watch me sprint for the bathroom. Upon my return to the CIA, my new assignment was testing the human response to sniffing Anthrax. I felt as if I was really serving my country. Kim was so proud. Even with the constant eye bleeds, she always gave her support.

Then one day, over a lunch of donkey rectum, we decided to start a family. This started a great new chapter of my life.